Latest Lessons

So, the first life lesson of the new year was (and still is!) a pretty tough reality to face.

We can't make people happy by changing in order to make them happy. And we certainly don't make ourselves happy when we try.

There's nothing wrong with us just the way we are, at least at the core. The things that we do may be wrong (e.g., neglecting nutrition and fitness), but the fundamental parts of our personality (being empathetic, choosing feelings over thoughts) are not objectively right or wrong.

And trying to fight who we are just causes unneeded suffering and unhappiness.

I also forgot one of the primary lessons that economics teaches: the concept of sunk costs.

So, the goal (at least in my little corner of the world) is to maximize utility. We do that by making correct choices at the margin.

And, given our limited access to information, we sometimes make the wrong choice and choose something that makes us so unhappy that it costs us utility.

Sometimes, these are minor things like buying a hot dog at a baseball game and not actually enjoying it. We feel obligated to eat it, though, because we just spent $6 on a freaking hot dog. But because it is so terribly horrible, we're actually losing utility.

We feel invested, and therefore, compelled to see the investment through.

In the case of the hot dog, it's not really a big deal. We eat it because we paid for it, and experience minor discomfort at its yuckiness.

But in the case of things like relationships, especially longer term commitments, we feel like we put so much time and energy into making it work, that even if we are unhappy, we should continue to put more work in, because we already put so much darn work in.

But relationships aren't as harmless as price-inflated cheap eats. No one gets hurt by hot dogs.

But feelings and hopes and dreams are so important that when we throw everything we have unto a sinking ship, the drowning is slow and suffocating, and more often than not, we drag someone else down with us.

So, here's to letting go and catching new fish.