Seeing Things as They Are

We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.

Anais Nin

This week, it has been really difficult for me to gain a clear perspective, and see things are they, instead of how I am.

It's so hard for me to transcend how I am feeling in the moment and remember all the things I have struggled to learn.

I have a natural aversion to things I refer to as 'new agey.' And things like self-validation smack of new agey to me, as do breathing exercises and meditation and clearing my mind and all those things that are good for a healthy and balanced life.

I know I see things as I am and not as they are, because when I see pictures of myself, I literally want to hide my face in shame and never look at them again, because I am so FAT. Like, omg, someone wire my jaw shut fat.

Except that I'm not.

I'm more like, get off the couch and eat some freaking vegetables fat. The Biggest Loser wouldn't cast me, even if I had an amazingly sad, sappy story that needed triumphing.

I need to run some laps, but I'm not exactly a candidate for desperate measures.

But every time I see myself, it's like there's a fun house mirror filter in my brain that changes the nature of what I see.

I know that so far a lot of entries in this blog have been about my insecurities, but this is where I am right now. It's who I am and I need to process it all before I'll be ready to change.

Process.


Sounds like new agey bullshit to me! ;-)